Rob Lifford

I was getting a haircut today and it became apparent to me that I was the only guy in the place who wasn’t getting a “bald fade.” This is getting out of hand, people. I’ve had enough. This post is the kickoff of my new public outreach campaign. The bald fade’s time in American fashion history is OVER. Mark my words, I shall not rest until every man, woman, and child in this great land of ours knows and understands that this hairstyle is acceptable if and only if you are:

• an active or retired military or law enforcement officer
• an NBA all-star
• an established professional — I said professional, not aspiring — hip-hop artist

A few years from now, we’ll speak of the bald fade the way we speak of the mullet today. Trust me. You don’t want to be captured forever in your high school yearbook or prom photo with a BALD FADE, fer chrissakes, do you, kids? Right?